A common adjective used to describe a teacher is “patient” and I wish I could tell you that that is a virtue that I possess… I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE teaching. That last sentence will cause instant laughter to spew from many people that read this. But, I do. I love teaching. I love connecting with my students. I love when I can see a concept “click” in their brains. I love when I’ve been clashing with a student and then we talk and all of a sudden that student is now one of my favorites. I enjoy walking in to a classroom or into a campus and having students that are excited to see me. Sometimes I even enjoy when they aren’t happy to see me because it makes me think and hope that I am pushing them in a way that other teachers don’t because of reasons that I can only imagine. 

Patience isn’t a virtue that I possess. I said it. Twice now. However, in many ways, I think that helps me. I think that the fact that most of “my kids” know that I’m not putting up with anything they’re putting down helps them to understand what I expect from them and things go a lot more smoothly between us. I think it makes other kids respect me more because when they talk to me, they know I see them and I will listen and respond in a real way. I won’t sugarcoat things for them. I treat them with respect and I expect them to do the same. I love “my kids” and I love them even on days that I leave a job and sit and cry in my car. I love my job so much sometimes that it hurts. 

I’m looking forward to teaching in Malawi. I’m looking forward to the relationships I will get to have with my students. I’m looking forward to the relationships I will get to have with their parents and the other people in my community. I’m looking forward to the lifestyle changes and the hardships I will, inevitably, face. I’m looking forward to all of it. 

With that being said, waiting for medical and legal clearance is killing me. I’m so anxious to hear back from the Peace Corps that I find myself checking my email twenty times a day. I’m having dreams and nightmares all night long and tossing and turning. I’m losing sleep. I’m getting headaches because of my lack of sleep. It’s crazy! This waiting game is painful… literally. My cousins compared this process to planning a wedding. One task after another and another. You know they are all necessary. You know they are all worth it. But, just when you think you have done everything, another something needs to be done and QUICK. Everything is “hurry up and wait” and I can honestly say that I didn’t know what I was getting into. Don’t get me wrong! I want this. I do. I just know that I will feel so much better once I am cleared for service. I think that because I want this so badly and because I am already so invested, the anxiety and the stress is more. I’ve always been a worrier. Anyone who knows me or anyone who has dated me can attest to that! Even though I feel confident in my health and I work for a public school district so I feel VERY comfortable with my legal background, it still doesn’t ease my worries. It still doesn’t stop me from thinking everyday that maybe something is wrong or maybe I left something out or maybe there is something else they need me to do. 

Please send good juju my way.

Also, send Mr. Sandman! I’m exhausted 🙂